Discovering
by ladybard327
Summary: What happens when Bones gets sick and lets down her guard at bit?  Some slight spoilers for season 6
1. Chapter 1

DISCOVERING

by: Ladybard

"Sweetie, you need to go home, you're seriously sick." Angela pleaded with her best friend from her perch on the couch.

"I can't, Angela, there's too much to do…" Brennan protested, but the veracity of her statement was definitely weakened by both her scratchy voice and the coughing fit at the end of her speech.

"Whatever you're working on can wait, trust me. Really, it's no wonder you've picked up something with how you've been running yourself ragged this past month but your body needs a break. Go home, have some soup, take some medicine and have a good long nap. The work will be here tomorrow."

"I… I can't, Ange." Brennan said softly, sitting down on her office chair but keeping her back to Angela. "I can't go home and I certainly can't sleep."

Something in her tone made the artist pause her gentle haranguing—there was something in Brennan's voice, something hurt and lost that had absolutely nothing to do with being physically ill. She sounded beyond exhausted, beyond depressed. She sounded utterly defeated. "Why? What's going on, Bren?" she asked softly and watched as Brennan drew in a shaky breath and seemed to steel her shoulders.

"Ange, it's nothing, don't worry about it. Forget I said anything. It's true that I'm feeling under the weather right now and that sometimes can make me a bit emotional, I'm sorry. You're right, I should head home at least so I don't infect others, especially you and the baby."

"Temperance Brennan, don't pull that 'I'm fine' crap with me," Angela said sternly. "You've been working until all hours of the night, you haven't been eating right, you can't completely hide those dark circles and I can tell you've been sad despite the fake smile you've been putting on your face. I know you better than that. What's going on? Spill it." Angela could count on one hand the number of times that her best friend had been sick over the past few years but she'd seen it enough to know how her friend's personality would change when she was sick. She became more emotional, more vulnerable and far less likely to censor herself than usual. So if Angela had to exploit that knowledge in order to finally figure out what had Brennan so sad, so be it.

"I haven't enjoyed going home lately, that's all. It hasn't felt much like home since I got back from Maluku. I think I need to move, but I haven't had the time or energy to look for another place."

"But you love your apartment! You've been there for years and you've set it up just how you want it!"

"I know but it just feels like too much space now. I just wander around from room to room at night and every little sound keeps me awake. So I usually just give up and come back to work."

"Sweetie, that's not your apartment. That's loneliness."

Brennan turned in her chair and faced Angela straight on, tears running silently down her face. "I know."

"Bren, talk to me." Angela urged, getting up and moving to her friend, grasping her hand tightly. "Let me help you make this better. You haven't been yourself ever since you got back from Indonesia. Did something happen there?"

"No, not exactly. Ange, if I tell you something will you promise to keep it just between us? I'm serious, you can't even tell Hodgins…"

"Sure sweetie."

"I think I have a broken heart." Brennan said simply, her voice completely flat. "I never understood that expression before—I mean the heart is a muscle so it can't be broken, only crushed—but now I do. It feels like something's broken inside me and I can't fix it."

"Is this because Booth came back with a girlfriend?"

"He told me he wanted to be with me for 30, 40 or 50 years."

"What? When?"

"A couple of months before we left. He said that he's always known I was 'the one' for him, the person he wanted to spend his life with. He asked me to give us a chance…. And I said no."

"Oh honey, why?"

"Because it was too much to risk on a chance, on something that may or may not have worked. And I couldn't bear the thought of losing him. Because what we had together was the best relationship I'd ever had in my life, the first time that I felt like I had someone who would always be there, someone that I could count on and I couldn't give that up. Because I don't have the open heart that he has, I don't know how to change and he deserves better than me. Because I was scared. But being away for all those months gave me a chance to really think about how I felt and what I wanted and I realized that I do love him. I have changed since we met and it's all because of him. And that I didn't have to think of 30 years in the future, we could build it together slowly. So when Caroline called and I got to come home early… I was so excited to see him, to tell him what I'd realized and ask for another chance at us…. But…"

"But he wasn't alone."

"No. He showed me her picture on his phone and he seemed so damn happy. And he just expected me to be okay with it. He'd moved on while he was gone and apparently he'd accepted everything I said about what I wasn't capable of. Then she showed up and he started treating me with that distance we had that first year of our partnership and I had to see them together and smile all the time. It's just so much harder than I realized."

"Oh sweetie…"

"So I started falling back into the habit of staying at work. Not intentionally at first but I'd lose track of time and I guess I just counted on Booth stopping by to drag me out to dinner. Then when I suddenly realized what I was doing and that he wasn't coming, it… it hurt. And when I went home to this empty place and all this silence, that hurt just turned into an ache. I'd rather keep working."

"That's not healthy, Bren. I'm so sorry about all this but you can't let yourself get run down like this. I'm sorry I didn't realize all this before but I know it now and we're going to get through this together. You're not alone. Broken hearts suck, I know, but they can heal. It just takes time."

"Maybe Ange, I don't know. This is all new to me. And to be honest, if this is what comes from loving someone, I'd rather go back to not knowing. I don't know how to handle this pain. I feel like it's killing me."

"I know sweetie, I know. You will feel better eventually, the pain won't last forever, it just takes time. But especially now, while you're sick on top of all this, you're coming to stay with me & Hodgie. "

"No Ange, you're newlyweds and preparing for the baby and…"

"And nothing. You're family and family helps each other get through tough times. You've done it for me more times that I can count. Let me repay the favor." Angela said with a smile and Brennan gave her a small smile in return, wiping away at the random tear drops that had escaped her eyes. Angela had never seen her friend this upset, this emotional. "Tonight you're going to have too much cold medicine and lots of soup and tea and we're going to come up with funny ways to get back at Booth and not do any of them!"

"No Ange," Brennan said firmly. "It's not his fault. Its mine. I turned him down and he moved on like he said he had to; he had no way of knowing I was going to change my mind. Hannah makes him happy and for that I will always be grateful to her. This is my burden to bear. Only…"

"Only what?"

"Only I wish he hadn't proved me right," she continued when she saw Ange's raised eyebrows, "when I said love was temporary and ephemeral. He swore I was 'the one' he wanted to be with for the rest of his life but six months later he had someone else. And the bad result that I feared if we had started dating, that afterwards we would no longer be 'us' happened anyway."

"Oh Bren." Angela said sadly and put her arm around her friend. "We'll talk this out and see what we can make sense of once we get home. We'll put on our pajamas and eat ice cream out of the container and have hours of girl talk. We'll figure out what to do next."

"Okay." Brennan said in a tiny voice, wrapping her arms around her friend in an attempt to absorb her strength.

And as they gave and accepted comfort, neither noticed the shocked FBI agent eavesdropping outside the door.


	2. Chapter 2

DISCOVERING

Part 2

by: Ladybard

By the time the ladies left Brennan's office, Booth's SUV was already leaving the Jeffersonian parking area and heading into the evening traffic. The file he'd felt urgent enough to drive over this late laid unnoticed on the passenger seat beside him as he mindlessly drove through town heading back to his office without really thinking about his ultimate destination. All he was aware of was Brennan's voice echoing in his mind…

"_I can't sleep… I wander around from room to room every night…"_

"_I think I have a broken heart… something's broken inside me and I can't fix it"_

"_I realized that I do love him…"_

"_So excited to see him… to tell him… to ask for another chance"_

"_He moved on… and I have to see them together…"_

"…_this pain… it's killing me…"_

The words kept repeating themselves as if on some ridiculous loop, her voice bouncing around in his head like a demented pinball. She loved him? She said so, and he of all people knew that Bones' didn't lie, but the truth of her words wasn't quite sinking in with him. Sure he'd seen the signs of her reverting back to her old behaviors, but he'd figured that was her way of trying to make things all business between them, her way of getting them to act like partners and not the pseudo-couple they'd been before Sweets forced his hand. And yes, he knew that he hadn't been spending a lot of time with her outside work anymore and that his focus had shifted to his new relationship but he didn't think she was upset about that.

But now, with this new information, he was reviewing every conversation they'd had since they got back, every look, every interaction and things were adding up differently. How had he not seen any of it before now? Every time anything about his new girlfriend had come up in her presence, Bones had begun spouting off about one anthropological theory after another to justify his focus on his new relationship. And every time they'd all been out as a group in his attempt to blend his work life and home life, Bones had always held herself apart from the group, observing without really participating. When had he stopped really noticing her?

Damn it, how had this happened? How had they gotten to this point? A year ago, he never would have been able to imagine Bones' sitting on the sidelines of his life. The idea the he would have put her there by pushing her out was even more unthinkable. And yet… that's exactly what happened. He'd promised her he'd always be there for her, that he'd love her in 30, 40, or 50 years and then the moment she'd turned him down, he'd thrown all that out the window.

But she had turned him down. He couldn't just dismiss that fact and all the hurt he'd endured because of it. He'd had to move on, to do something to restore his sanity, his confidence in himself. He couldn't just follow her around like a wounded puppy, waiting for another chance. He had his pride and he'd already waited 5 years. It was time to give up, to move on, to find someone else. Someone with whom he could build something that was uncomplicated, that wasn't so damn hard all the time. Someone who met him halfway and wanted to be with him as much as he wanted to be with her.

When he'd thought about how Bones would react to him coming back with a girlfriend, and he hadn't allowed himself to think about that often, he'd assumed she'd be relieved. Now that he knew how wrong he was about that, the question remained—what was he going to do now?


End file.
